Thursday, 11 November 2010

Player Flaws 101

All games, no matter how mind-bogglingly amazing they are, always have some things that make us want to tear your hair out. Today, the topic is Evasion!

  1. The Bunny Hoppers
These must be the biggest group of them around, the famous Bunny Hoppers. The people whose locomotion seems to suffer in a distinctly vertical manner once coming under fire. Little is known about this “condition” but it is rife on the battlefield.

It’s been suggested that this Bunny Hopping is a medical condition, and that we should not scold players for doing it, as it’s an autonomic response; the poor fuzzy blighters can’t help it. However, in the real word, we all know they’re attempting to re-enact the Matrix in the most outrageous manner possible. Everyone knows how irritating it is, not only to lose a kill because a Bunny Hopper has successfully retreated back into its warren after leaping about, but also being killed by one!
Killed by a Bunny Hopper! It’s just not cricket!
Poor old Elmer Fudd found it impossible to shoot rabbits, and sadly it’s spread to the online world.
Bugs Bunny – You watch your back!

  1. The Dolphin Divers
That wasn’t half a lucky slip that helped me dodge that bullet. At last, dog fowling has found a use! Sorry, too graphic? I’ll carry on in a more polite manner…

This “tactic” is happily coupled with the Bunny Hoppers, jump, then Dolphin Dive. It comes from the rabbit’s natural ability to bolt down holes when scared to avoid danger… and as we know, rabbits and dolphins are extremely closely related. Pansy rabbits.

I’m glad to say though, these guys are less common nowadays. The removal of prone in some games, like Battlefield Bad Company 2, has led to a drastic fall in their numbers. Conservation groups are crying out for Prone to be reintroduced to help this dying species back on their feet (and off their bellies) but not to too much success. Who knows maybe they’ll reach the extinct list? We can only hope!

  1. The Campers
Also known as the “Tactically Positioned” – Oh as if. These are the little blighters who hide in the shadows, the corners, under buildings, just lying in wait to score a cheap kill. Yes, you heard me, a cheap kill! They prefer to live in damp, dark positions, isolated from the outside world. They feed on chance passers-by and have little self-worth. They’re closely related to Snipers, but as of yet, have found no true use.

If given the chance, they would happily pitch their tents, light a fire and sit out in the nighttime air. However in the digital world, and the distinct lack of tents, they’re pushed to more extreme measures. They are the shyest of all the evaders, and will usually die of hunger, loneliness or most commonly boredom, if left in their camping spot for too long with no “prey” to pounce on.

  1. The Rage Quitters
This is a different sort of the evasion, sometimes the most extreme case. It takes shape in a variety of ways, but the most usual way can be illustrated with a small word scenario.
  • Mr. Rage Quitter-to-be dies. In a manner he finds unfair and unjust. Possibly due to one of the reasons laid out above.
  • A veritable smorgasbord of obscenities soon follows. Explaining why the offending player is a little git for example
  • Mr. Rage Quitter-to-be tries again, most likely to get revenge on the offender who killed him
  • A second flood of obscenities ensues when he dies
  • Followed by a swift exit from the server. Excellent.
These sorts usually suffer from a short temper, lack of skill, as well as high blood pressure. Their appearances are sporadic, but heavily visible due to the excessive use of Caps Lock when they present themselves. However, they tend to disappear as fast as they appear. Do not take offence from these sorts, again, they cannot help it.

2 comments:

  1. I'm certianly guilty of the last one, I've raged quitted a few times in the past!

    Never done the bunny hop though!

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  2. My problem with bunny hoppers is that it kills the immersion. I've also rage quited a few times, but I've always kept the vile to myself, a graceful rage quit.

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