Sunday, 2 January 2011

Regrettable Purchase... The Pinnacle

We've all bought games, played them, and then thought "Ah! Why did I buy this!?" swiftly followed by obscenities for the angry individual, a facepalm for the emotional gamer type, or a faceplant for the angry gamer type!

We've all done it. Don't even try to deny it!
It happened to me a while ago... I can see it now in my mind, in that dark black and white grainy film type footage with sound like you're listening into an empty can! It was a nice October morning in 2009, I'd pre-ordered Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising a while before. I was eagerly looking forward to it. I'd played the original Operation Flashpoint and thought it was fantastic! The screenshots looked astounding! The videos looks amazing too!
I thought it was a dead cert! Money well spent! I'd got it for £19! Bargain!
Can you tell how excited I am due to the short sentences? If not. Here's some more!
Wow! Amazing! Hurry up and release it! Gimme gimme gimme!

Well... after installing and playing it, my bubble got burst. Badly!
Not like burst with a pin. Burst with a Flaming Claymore of Misery!
I'd been waiting eagerly, shelled out a reasonable amount of cash for it, and it was an absolute steaming pile of puppy poo! But not even the puppy would be proud of its "Achievement". The game was appalling! The single player was more bugged than James Bond's underpants! Constant AI failures on the part of your team mates, being compounded with enemy AI knowing where you are and killing you with 1 bullet. On easy!

I don't think I got past about the 2nd level. Every objective seemed to be bugged. It would tell me to destroy a tank, so I'd destroy it, only to be greeted with a "You have Failed" message. Whut!? I took your orders, completed them, then you throw them in my face like this!? Game off Operation Flashpoint! Only thing that's Rising is my blood pressure!

I soldiered on, trying to get past the bugs, but just ended up dieing repeatedly. No matter what tactics I'd use, there was always something that would prevent me from completing my objective. Random spawning Russkis? Aye, I had 'em!

Anyway, I thought I'd move away from Singleplayer and have a look at Multiplayer. Bad move.

I think after the first few deaths, something like this was entered on my keyboard:

kjhiufejkfbitrwijhnuyw3bt& *^!T(8b 71p089v;lhn3qm6lk89132ny76`nt 0IO!

The multiplayer somehow Out-Bugged the Singleplayer! Wow! That's a true accomplishment! The servers had such unbearable lag you would moonwalk across the land, then as you shoot someone, you'd scoot backwards 10 meters to found out they future killed you 5 seconds in the past! Paradoxical to the max! Other stupid errors were there too. Sprint or slip down a hill, then your weapon disappeared; well not entirely. You could see it in the top of the screen, as if your soldier was holding it above his head, but his arms were like spaghetti and you lost the ability to fire your gun. It was like forced pacifism. Not my style!

Multiplayer got exited.
Singleplayer got started again.
Singleplayer got sworn at and exited.
Game got closed.
Game got uninstalled.

Biggest waste of time and money in my life. Never played such a poorly tested game!

Going to have to cool off after writing this now. Luckily it's still snowing outside. See you in 5 minutes...

(Rather Rantastic)

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